Let Them Be Bored

I took a walk this morning on what felt like the first real day of summer. The air was warm, people were out, and there was that particular lightness that comes when the school year is finally loosening its grip.

Two groups got my attention.

The first was a group of teenage girls, middle school age, out near some trees, singing and dancing and being silly and laughing together. I thought how wonderful. School is almost out, or for some already out, and they are outside enjoying nature and each other, spontaneous and together. Then I got a little closer and realized they had their phones out and were rehearsing. Practicing a dance for TikTok or Instagram or Snap, whatever the platform. My heart sank.

A little further on I saw a young boy with his father blowing bubbles. The boy was delighted chasing the bubbles around and it was wonderful to watch a father and son play together. But in between the bubbles the boy got upset. He wanted to do it himself but the dad said no, he said it would be too messy. So instead the boy just stood there, waiting to be entertained again. Waiting for the next bubble.

Both of these things struck me and I kept thinking about them as I walked. Here is what I want to say to parents heading into summer.

Be bold. Be willing to be disliked by your children. Feel their anger, their cold shoulder, maybe even their refusal to talk to you, or conversely their yelling. Just do it. Take the phone away. Let the bubbles spill all over the lawn, who cares. Let them be disappointed when things do not work out perfectly. Let them figure it out themselves.

Let them wander outside with no plan. Play with a stick. Mope around until something shifts. Let them feel what it is like to not be entertained, to not move from one fun activity to the next. Let them sit in that pure boredom because it is in that boredom where we build creativity, where we build attention and focus. It might lead somewhere surprising, picking up a book, a story forming in their head, something that uses their brain in a completely different way.

And that matters for what comes next. Come fall they are going to need that muscle of stamina, attention, and focus. The ability to draw from their own ideas and creativity. The boredom of summer builds that. It is not easy but it is so important to their growth and to how they carry summer into fall.

Further Reading

Dr. Sandi Mann, The Science of Boredom

Manoush Zomorodi, "Bored and Brilliant" (TED Talk)

Jamie Jirout, UVA School of Education and Human Development, "Boredom Can Be Great for Kids"

Mann, S., & Cadman, R. (2014). Does being bored make us more creative? Creativity Research Journal, 26(2), 165–173.